So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize