the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
