is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
