you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
