the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
