felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
