your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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