My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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