Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
