Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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