I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
