i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
