I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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