I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
