If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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