I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
