who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
