Well apparently he's into motor boating.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
