You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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