If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
