May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
