i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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