honey bunches of taint.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
