Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize