Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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