She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
