My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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