the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
