Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
