I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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