in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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