I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
