woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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