You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
