i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize