Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize