So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
