i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up under a house in Key West
His nipple licking is glorious
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