I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
