Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
