i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
