Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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