If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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