i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
