Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
