is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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