I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
