Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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