you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
