Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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