two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
