You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
