Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
