Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
