Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
