I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
