Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
