how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize