So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
