you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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