I accidentally had phone sex last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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