I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize