I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
