would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
