I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
