Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
