that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
