I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
