After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We're too hungover to prance.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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